Im Lonely...

 I am not sure who is out there reading this but when you lose the love of your life,  it becomes a reality that you will be living your life without the man I love.  I miss him everyday and I wish that God would grant me one more day with him to tell him how much he meant to me.

My plan was to spend the rest of my life making this man happy and giving him a life that he really deserved.  

His life with his ex wife was not the happiest so I wanted to make sure that he knew that he had a wife that would walk over coals for him.  I would take a bullet for him.  

I dont understand why God has taken two of the most amazing men in my life to early in my eyes.

My next notes are a letter for John:

To the Love of my Life,
    I am so proud and happy to be your wife.  I have wanted that for ten plus years and knowing how bad my anger hurt you has ripped a hole in my heart.  My intention was never to hurt you and I have always loved you.  I am so sad that you are gone.  We had a life that we were supposed to build together and now you are in heaven with our baby.  I hope that you and Angelica are together and someday I will be with you.  Please save a seat for me next to you and I love you more than life itself.

Please take care of our baby.  I love you.

Love, Your Wife

Shelley

If anyone is out there reading this I hope I help you on your journey through Grief.

I have spent a lot of time with God through out this and he has taught me to trust in Him and if I lift my troubles up to Him and He will give me peace.

I love Him and I trust Him

Love your Heavenly daughter,

Shelley Stone

PS I don't feel this way about God anymore.  I'm done with this God who is loving and caring.  He is selfish and unloving to me in every way.  

Screw you God.  I'm done believing in you.  

You aren't loving at all to me.  You took away my baby and my husbands.  

Leave me alone.  

My Joy after tragedy. Then another tragic event in my life.

  My Joy after tragedy was I married my soulmate John stone. We were happy we were expecting then we tragically lost the baby in March of 2020 he proposed in he proposed in March of 2021l0 we won we were married September 2020.

 June 18th of 2021 John had a stroke. It tragically ended his life and so it did his wife. I yet again had to bury another husband.. My life has been normal since. I cry I miss him I love him and I wish he was here to hold me again. But hes not.

 Now I'm a widow for the 2nd time and I'm not sure how to pull myself together I work I come home I take care of the dogs and I don't feel like doing much I sit up in my bed and watch Netflix.

 I don't understand why God took another man away from me I wish I knew I wish I knew why I'm being put through this .

 My mother in law has been a great help she has gone through this before she has also going through the loss of her son I thought I was strong but I'm not this is the one of the hardest things that I've ever had to go through he was my everything it was my rock he was my soul.

 I can't imagine life without him. But here I stand living this life that we are supposed to live together. I love you John stone and I miss you more than ever.

Love your wife

 Shelley