Depression is real...

  As I sit here alone in my bed my thoughts are going to depression  Missing my husband and really not wanting to be alone anymore. I don't understand why this is my path I don't understand why I've lost 2 husbands in 3 years..

 I wish he was here I wish John was with me I wish I could hold him again. It's not fair when I look at other couples and realize that I don't have what they have.

 I want to be in love again I wand I want to have a husband again But I'm not sure if it's ever gonna happen

 So when they say depression is real it is.  It takes all my effort to get up in the morning to take care of the dogs to take a shower to get-up-and-Get dressed for work.

 I don't get it I don't understand why this is my life and what God has in store for me but I do know that that I want to be baptized into the church that I went to with John and I know know this is the right place for me.

 I want to get baptized because I know that that I need to follow Jesus Christ and I need to follow God's plan and whatever that is I don't know. But I do know that this is the correct step for me and I think john would be proud. 

 I don't know who reads this I don't know who knows this but just know that I'm here if you need to talk and I know Depression is real and I know that the Depression is scary and I know that not wanting to live anymore is true I had the But and I still have those lots but they're far and in between.

 Please understand depression is real and it is something to not mess with

 Love,

 Shelly stone