Life as I know it ...

 Where to start.......

My life since May 2nd 2022 has changed for the better. I met this man who is wonderful. Who treats me better than I've been treated in a long time. My life with him is flirtatious, happy, spontaneous, full of laughter, and much much more.

One day I hope to marry this man and spend the rest of my life with him.

My life in March no February of 2020 started out finding out that John and I were expecting we then lost the fetus at 10 weeks. The fetus was only 7 weeks gestation. I went in for a d&c on March 10th 2020. One of the hardest days of my life. Thought I could continue not being a mom and living my life not having any kids. Well I guess that is wrong. I have such an empty feeling in my heart and wondering what needs to fill it and feeling like a complete failure as a woman's because I haven't had any kids. The only time I was able to get pregnant I lost the baby at 10 weeks with no heartbeat.

I lost two husbands. I lost Rick August 12th 2018. I lost John June 18th 2021.  I thought I had married the loves of my life and end up with God taking them both from me.

I right now don't believe in God, don't believe in a church, don't believe in any sort of religion and I struggle to pray and realize God is there. What I don't understand is how can someone who is loving and who cares about his children would put so many struggles and heartaches on one of their kids. God has taken my husbands and my child and has left me alone in this world.  I struggled to trust him I struggle to lean on him and I struggle to love him on a daily basis.

I met Matt on May 2nd 2022 we met at DQ. Where we engaged in conversation about his life his kids, his sexual orientation, and I felt like I could tell him anything and he would be one of my best friends. It is now January 27th 2023 and he and I have been going strong for almost 9 months.

I have never laughed, loved, felt safe and felt like I was worth something to someone. No matter our struggles or fights, we always manage to communicate and talk it out before it escalates to something else. I used to believe that God brought this man into my life but I think it was just fate that we both needed somebody to talk to about what we've lost. We have both found that in each other. I have never loved anyone as much as I love Matt. He is my everything, my companion, my partner, my lover, and my best friend. Hopefully one day I will be honored to call him my husband.

He has five kids. The oldest Joe is 23 and he has turned to a very fine young man. He has twin boys who are 20.  Their names are Josh and Tyler. He has a daughter Ashley who's a senior in high school. She is 18 years old and she has grown up to be a very pretty young lady and she is really good at basketball. His youngest daughter is Hannah she is 14. She is extremely talented in singing and her plays and I'm very proud of her in anything that she accomplishes. When I see him with his children it makes me fall more and more in love with him. On a sad note 6 years ago on February 20th his son Josh committed suicide. It is hard for me to watch him Miss Josh everyday.

Today January 27th 2023 Matt comes home today very distraught and upset because a pregnant woman gets brought into St Joe ER either not breathing or having a heart attack or something very serious they wheeled her for an emergency C-section and the nurse was really worried and the charge nurse was really worried as well.  

I gave him his space to process to deal with his emotions and to calm down from today. I felt very honored and privileged that he would share his emotions with me. 

So August 1st 2022 I moved in with him officially and it has been amazing.

December of 2022 I lost a really good friend of mine named Rick householder. He was the type of person who would give really good hugs when you were being the most. One time I can remember I was at John's visitation greeting family friends saying their condolences. I didn't cry the whole time except for when I saw Rick and Annie I broke down and started crying. To have friends like them who treated like family who care for you even sometimes when your mom and dad don't really care it meant a lot.

My life as I know it is different than I thought it would be. I have the love of my life. I have two amazing dogs Hazel and Jackson. Three cats named Jim and Tim and baby kitty. I have a dog in heaven named Riley who I miss everyday. That dog has my baby, he got me through a lot of the tough times I love him very much.

One thing that did happen my therapist was out for 3 months having her baby and now she has quit for practice and some days I feel like I'm lost without her. I have met a pastor's wife who hasn't judged me for anything that I have told her about my past.

I know no one reads this if you ever do I would appreciate a comment or at least a word of encouragement to keep posting these blogs and to get my feelings out there.

Thank you for listening to my rambling and I will get back on here soon.

Until then let life guide you to where or happiness is into where you meet somebody who treats you like you're the most important person in the world.

All my love,

Shelley Eames Washko Stone

Life as I know it is amazing and I hope I at least can give some encouragement to anyone out there who struggles with their life at the moment.

Stay sweet, live life to the fullest, and always flirt with your significant other.

All my love now and always,

Shelley