Not where I thought I'd be in life

Sometimes people are kind and loving.  Sometimes people are cruel.  

I feel like a baby starving for attention.  

I have a boyfriend who isn't attracted to me because of something stupid that happened.  I have what I thought was amends but in a drunken rage he said some pretty hurtful things.  If I didn't love him so much I would say something.  Even if I say his daughter is ignoring me and rolling her eyes at me, I'm the one who is in the wrong.   

I wish things were back to way the use to before the nonsense happened.  

I'm so depressed and asking what I did wrong to deserve all of this unhappiness.  Why can't I be loved and cherished like every woman should be? 

Why am I being punished and living somewhere I'm not wanted?

I sometimes think it would be best if I wasn't around.  

I'm tired of being sad all the time.  

Thanks

Me

mother's day 2023

I dread mother's day every year.  Even though I don't have any physical kids, I'm always told that I am a mother from the day of conception. 

Today I texted my sisters to wish them happy Mother's Day and instead of saying it back they just said thank you.  

This saddens me and I'm tired of trying to fit in.  

Even though I lost a baby that doesn't mean I'm not a mom.  

They ask why I don't want to hang out with my family and I'll tell you why....

Why do my siblings get their spouses and their children and God thought my life wasn't worth that? It makes me angry and jealous to see it.  I also think it's unfair that God has chosen to punish me with alot of loss.  I hate it and I believe God is sadistic and finds joy in punishing me for some fucking reason.  

It's not fair and I'm beyond pissed.  

I'm grateful for the mom I have.  She is a great strength to me.  

Thanks for listening