Something I learned this weekend

As I sit and ponder the grieving process of losing Rick.  I am sad when I think he will never see his grandkids and he will never be able to build anything with his son.   He will miss a lot of things.  I was looking forward to growing old with him.  He was my everything.

I was hanging with some friends yesterday and I have been looking for signs that Rick is still around and if he is ok and if he is still with me. 

I was told yesterday that Rick doesnt want me to get stuck in Grief.  He doesnt want me to be lonely and that I should move on.

I feel really guilty when I think about moving on because honestly I feel like I am cheating on him even though he has passed.  But knowing he doesnt want me to get stuck gives me a sense of relief.

Many think that if you move on after a spouse passes that you do not love them.  I am here to tell you that this is false.  I love Rick.  I will always Love Rick.  And my love for someone else will be really different.  I will always have Rick in my heart.  I am sad that he is gone but I know he will always watch over me.

I am not sure if anyone is reading this but I hope it helps

Thanks
Shelley

Finding the "New" Normal...

I don't know if anyone reads this and I am hoping my story helps others cope with the loss of a spouse.

I am not sure when it is ok to move on from the Death of Rick.  But I have had to do a lot of thinking of when the perfect time is to move on.  I thought I found someone who has thought of me as Beautiful even though I have psoriasis.  That guy turned out to be a catfisher.  But I have had to struggle a lot with all of this and I went into a very dark place.  I wasnt sure if I would recover from that and I would have to take my own life to make it easier for everyone.  Let me clarify....I AM NOT SUICIDAL.  I thought it would take the pain away.

I am now seeing this really great guy who calls me beautiful and sees beyond the psoriasis. 

When I say I need to find the new normal...That doesnt mean that I will forget my husband or not love him anymore.  It just means that I need to cope without Rick here.

I have been going to E-Free Church and I feel like I have found my home church.

Is anyone out there reading this?

Talk later
Shelley

Warning of a Scam

This all started back in November of 2018....
I thought I was ready to start seeing other people and I met what I thought was a nice guy on pof.com and he was in the military.

I thought I had found the person I was going to spend my life with and he ended up catfishing me for a lot of money.

I now have to do things so that I dont screw up my life even more.

Please just be careful when you start dating again and looking at someone to find on the internet.

His username is huddiefire and His name is Fox.

Please dont end up in the trouble I am in.

Thanks
Shelley

An Update:
Thankfully Chase Bank was able to recover most of the money and all I have to pay is a portion.  I will not lose my home and I am grateful to God everyday.

My life as a widow

I have said on many occasions...i am 36 and i should not be a widow.  But the truth is I am.  I may not always like the title but if I wasnt a widow, I would not have been married to the most amazing man in the world.  Rick Washko.

My life as a widow has been a struggle and I have had a lot of support along the way and I know deep down Ricks love was so powerful in me and it is what keeps me going along with my fur babies.

I have needed a lot of courage and strength to get up every morning and get dressed for work.

I have lost other family members and this has been the hardest person for me to lose.

It isnt fair that my spouse is gone and other spouses are not.

Im not saying I wish for your spouses to be dead too, I just wish I had one more day with him to at least have the chance to say goodbye.  Tell him how much I love him and how much he means to me and our fur babies.  I feel very cheated out of not being able to say goodbye.

I hope and pray nobody has to go through this but if u do please join a griefshare group.  It helps to talk out my feelings and I love the friends I have made.

Love u all,
Shelley