My Struggle with God

So today's post is my struggle with God.

I admit I blame God for Rick's death.  I am angry that he took a wonderful man away from me and now I have to survive on this planet without Rick.  It has gotten to the point where I dont believe in Him and I feel like He is punishing me.

I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days about this and I have come to realize that I need to Surrender to God and put all my struggles out on the table for Him.  There is a story in the bible that the shepherd will leave his 99 sheep to go look for the one that has wandered.
I feel like I am the one that wandered and God is reaching out His hand and calling my name to come back to the Fold.

I have had a lot of support over these last 6months.  By Friends, Family, My Parents and my siblings.  There is someone who is always there when I need him.  He knows who he is....

Ive come to realize that there has always been someone else there every step of this journey and if I would lean on Him, He would hold me up.  Im slowly coming around to letting God back into my life and I know now it has not been his fault.

Our days are numbered even before we are born and it was Rick's time to go.  I may not like it but I have learned to accept it.  My heart will always hurt for him but I know that he would not want me to be lonely or upset for the rest of my life.  I need to give myself adequate time to grieve and not rush it.  I tried that and believe me it hurts more than before.

There is also an amazing lady that I want to write about.  She is the person I thought of when I first became a widow and talking to her is an amazing experience.  She not only showed love towards me as I was going through this but she raised an amazing son who has been there every step of this journey.  She wrote a book about Widowhood and her experiences through all of it.  I see God shine a light through her with this experience.  I am so grateful for her and I love her like family.  If she reads this Thank you for all your advice and Support through all of this.
I also want to thank you for raising an amazing man who has compassion and patience for me even when I am so upset I cant think straight.

I know I have a long road ahead but if I put one foot in front of the other I should be ok.

I will write more soon.

I love you all and Thank you for your support

Shelley