My Animals and my reasons for living

 List of My Animals

3 Cats that call me mom
Jim- Gray and white Tabby
Tim- Orange and white part main coon cat
Baby Kitty- Orange and White tabby

3 dogs that call me mom
Riley- Miniature Australian Shepherd
Jackson- Beagle Bassett Mix (With Husky)
Hazel- Chihuahua Fiest Mix

My cats and my dogs mean the world to me.  I would have never met Jim, Tim and Hazel if I didnt meet Matt.  He is amazing.  I am thankful every day about the way he is treating me through out this break up.  

Now I am writing about My Dog Riley....

As I sat here in bed thinking about how much I miss this amazing dog that I had the privelige of being his mom for 14 years.  

My first husband Rick and I adopted Riley from a breeder outside of Carlock, IL.  We took him to the vet to get checked out to make sure he was healthy and found out he had six parasites.  So I called the breeder not asking for financial compensation but to let them know that he had parasites and to get the other dogs checked.  

They brought Riley and 3 other dogs out to this pen for us to choose which one we wanted.  I wanted this dog named Cody that had two different colored eyes.  He was so gentle and loving.  When the pen was open the only dog to run towards the barn was Riley (A black and white one).  Of course Rick wanted him.  So that is who we went with.  I knew Riley was my baby and he favored me because he threw up and peed on me while I was holding him in the car on our way to the campground.  He was the constant light in my life.  

He grew up this happy go-lucky dog.  He was so excited when I came home.  My husband became a truck driver 4 months after we married.  So he was gone alot.  Riley barricaded the door in my bedroom and protected me.  He was always told to protect mommy.  He did just that.

He was diagnosed in 2019 with pumolnary edema.  He was coughing constantly.

Last year August 10, 2022 we had to put him down.  The night before he looked me in the eyes and said Mom Im done.  That was a very hard day.  I am grateful Matt was there with me.  We were both crying.  I found out later that Riley had a conversation with Matt and told Matt that he was done and it would be ok.  He was ready to go home.

1 Year later:

Very hard day.  I miss him everyday and I am grateful I was given the opportunity to be his mom.  Riley you will always have a special place in my heart.  Your dad and I will always miss you.  

I hope you enjoyed the reunion with your other dads.

Love, Shelley (MOM)

Life Update:

 As I sit here and write this, there is alot that has happened and I feel like this blog needs an update.  

Synopsis of the last five years:

August 12, 2018- Rick passed away from a triple pulmonary embolism.  Married for almost ten years and my world fell apart.  When I think of the last words I said to him, I simply cannot remember what I said.  I loved Rick with all my heart and I wish I could say one last thing to him.  Tell him I love him and he was a great husband and father to his son.  

June 18, 2021- John passed away from a brain stem bleed, also known as a stroke.  I still can remember this day and at 9pm 6-17-21 he was in bed and complained of left side weakness.  Then started to get worse and he tried to get up and put his pants on and he ended up on the floor.  The ambulance arrived and he was semi conscious.  The last thing I can remember is his head bobbing up and back down as I was screaming his name.  Got to the hospital and was told that he suffered a seizure in the ambulance and didn't regain consciousness.  I felt like my world was over and I thought it was.  They had to give me xanax to calm me down.  At 330am on 6-18-21 he spiked a 107 degree fever and his heart was racing and I finally told them to take him off the ventilator.  That was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make.

May 2, 2022-Matt and I started talking and began seeing each other.  I moved in with him in August and loved and cherished him.  We ended our relationship in June of 2023.  We are still best friends.  He has been amazing at calming me down with my panic attacks. I am forever grateful to have met him and will continue to  stay friends with him.

Now for the present day stuff:  I have begun counseling and I am hoping it helps with my suicidal thoughts.  I have often thought of what I could do to not be in this world anymore.  It is horrible to think this way.  I have a suicide contract that I dont intend to break.  For questions about the suicide contract is:  I signed it and my pastor and his wife signed it to keep me accountable for not hurting myself.  I am forever grateful for that contract.

August 16, 2023- Marshall and I met on fb dating site and we talk and we laugh and we have shared many long conversations about everything.  He makes me feel beautiful, loved, cherished and worthy of being alive.  I have never thought I could find someone who makes me feel wonderful and I love spending every minute with him.  He is my everything and I cannot wait to see what life has in store for us.  The last three weeks I havent stopped smiling.  He always finds a way to tell or show me that he loves me.  We chat on messenger and I feel so happy all the time.

Around this time I have decided to stop being angry at God and embrace what life has in store for me with Him.  Ive been back at church and I feel so much Peace and happiness that I never was possible.  There is so much love that I feel from my Father in Heaven.  I have become closer with Him and dont want to live my life without God in my life.

Thank you to all who listen and read this blog,

Love you all,

Shelley Stone

new life update

I've been wondering if I should post anything at all.  I have upset family members.  My posts aren't meant to hurt anyone but I've had a lot of dark times in my brain and sometimes those thoughts come out on here.  I'm truly sorry for any posts I've made about my sister and my mom.  

I have come to realize that I needed to change my life in many ways. So I took it upon myself to dump a guy who was toxic for me.  

After that I ended up finding someone who understands what I've been through and it's amazing.  We talk for hours and text back and forth.  It makes me fall for him each and everyday.  He had six kids and is raising his grandchild.  

He understanding and kind and so patient with me. 

We both see a future together and I'm working on finding a place to live.

 Fb post:

So this week has been a lot of thinking ,a lot of changing, and a lot of mental wellness. I have been angry at God for a really long time for taking my husbands from me, taking my baby from me, and taking other people that I love away from me. I came to the realization that after Tuesday of thinking I was not worth anything and being angry at a lot of things that something in my life needed to change. I was on the phone with a really good friend of mine Tuesday night trying to talk me out of doing what I could to not be in this world anymore. I met up with her and talked to her on Wednesday and I met up with her and her husband and talked to them on Thursday about some things. I have decided that instead of being angry all the time I'm going to start living my life with God at the head of it and after talking to my friend on Tuesday I felt extremely free and really felt like my burden was lighter. I'm not asking for apologies I'm not asking for anything I'm just finally realizing that I need to get back into a faith-based relationship with God. So I went to church for the first time in over a year and a half today to a church called Living Stone Community. I really got a lot out of the sermon today and I can't wait to go back next week. Thank you for all the love and support throughout the last years I truly truly appreciate it all. Love you all

That's all folks, 

Shelley 

Phoenix and anxiety

Anxiety is like how Martin Luther King Jr said

“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

No matter what life has put in my path somehow I've kept moving forward.  

I really identify with the mythical creature the Phoenix.  When it dies it bursts into flames and it's reborn out of the ashes.  

I feel like losing both my husbands and my child it makes me realize how strong I can be.  No matter what life puts in path I always know that I can survive it somehow.  

I've found love that ended in a great friendship.  Someone who's been on my side no matter what has happened. I'm forever grateful that our paths crossed.  

Thank you to all who have been here during these rough times.  Love you all.

Homebody... no one understands or cares

I've been having a really hard time lately asking and wondering why the things that have happened in my life have happened.  I've been thinking about what I'm here to do with my life and still I don't know.  I'm angry at God.  I'm finding it very difficult to love Him especially taking people away from me.  My baby, my husbands, and some close friends.  

I'm not asking for sympathy or for someone to fix it.  I just need people to understand why I don't want to be around. I'm not trying to hurt anyone. I think I need to fix myself somehow.

I'm jealous of my parents and my siblings cause they have their kids and spouses.  It's not fair that they have those things and I do not. It's hard to see them with their kids when that is all I've ever wanted.  Even when I did become pregnant I lost it.   I've become a home body and just want to be at home most of the time.  I'm sorry if I've hurt anyone by not coming around. 

I just need time to figure things out and get me out of this depression.  

Love you all and thank you for listening and understanding.  

Please don't be offended if I don't answer.  Thanks in advance.

Not where I thought I'd be in life

Sometimes people are kind and loving.  Sometimes people are cruel.  

I feel like a baby starving for attention.  

I have a boyfriend who isn't attracted to me because of something stupid that happened.  I have what I thought was amends but in a drunken rage he said some pretty hurtful things.  If I didn't love him so much I would say something.  Even if I say his daughter is ignoring me and rolling her eyes at me, I'm the one who is in the wrong.   

I wish things were back to way the use to before the nonsense happened.  

I'm so depressed and asking what I did wrong to deserve all of this unhappiness.  Why can't I be loved and cherished like every woman should be? 

Why am I being punished and living somewhere I'm not wanted?

I sometimes think it would be best if I wasn't around.  

I'm tired of being sad all the time.  

Thanks

Me

mother's day 2023

I dread mother's day every year.  Even though I don't have any physical kids, I'm always told that I am a mother from the day of conception. 

Today I texted my sisters to wish them happy Mother's Day and instead of saying it back they just said thank you.  

This saddens me and I'm tired of trying to fit in.  

Even though I lost a baby that doesn't mean I'm not a mom.  

They ask why I don't want to hang out with my family and I'll tell you why....

Why do my siblings get their spouses and their children and God thought my life wasn't worth that? It makes me angry and jealous to see it.  I also think it's unfair that God has chosen to punish me with alot of loss.  I hate it and I believe God is sadistic and finds joy in punishing me for some fucking reason.  

It's not fair and I'm beyond pissed.  

I'm grateful for the mom I have.  She is a great strength to me.  

Thanks for listening

Reflection on life

My life hasn't always been easy.  I found love in three men.  I have cherished my memories and time with them.  

Rick was my strength through the abuse and helped me get through therapy.  I thought God had blessed me with a man who loved me unconditionally and the life I had with him was happy.  

John knew me right after my abuse and I was scared when we got into our first fight.  How could someone who is so loving give me two men to love and take them both away.

The abuse.. 

I was nineteen when it happened.  I was a faithful member of the LDS church.  I met a man named Greg.  He was kind and loving.  He thought that since I didn't want vaginal sex till we were married that anal sex was ok.    My heart hurt everytime I was forced to do it.  I could only borrow his car if I gave him what he wanted.  I'm not sure how or why it happened to me.  My anger with God is very apparent.  I'm tired of feeling not worth anybody's love.  I don't understand a God who loves his children world let something like this happen.   I'm so sad sometimes thinking about it.  

God for some reason likes to see me suffer.  Haven't I suffered enough.  Take two husbands, a baby, and the abuse and let me struggle with all of it.  

I'm tired of it.  God is not loving, he doesn't care about me and I'm done with him.  

My Faith doesn't exists anymore.  I'm done with religion and God.

Thanks for listening

The men in my life .

 Warning this is going to be a long post......

I've been thinking alot about my life over the last 16 years. 

My life has always had challenges and saying that it will get easier is an understatement.  Let me begin...

Rick Washko:

I met him in 2006 at work and at first we were coworkers.  We started dating in 2007 and were married in 2008.  I loved him and what we had was a unique relationship.  It wasn't always easy and we went through alot together.  Four months after we got married he lost his job and started going to trucking school because his whole life he wanted to drive semis. At first he was gone a lot and I was home a lot alone.  Working, taking care of the pets, cooking and other things to keep busy.  We made it through many hard times and moved twice as well.  Then August 12 2018 he passed away from a triple pulmonary embolism.  My world was shattered.  I had friends and family who were there for me and I still remember the day he died like it happened yesterday.  

John Stone:

We started dating in 2002 and broke up in 2007.  We wanted different things and I thought it would be best to break things off.  I wanted to get married and have a family and that was something he didn't want at the time.   Fast forward to 2018.  John was there when I needed a shoulder to cry on and just to be a listening ear.  We officially started dating again in 2019 and we were married in 2020.  2020 we also found out we were expecting and ended up losing the baby shortly after we found out.  We were married nine months when John passed away from a brain stem hemorrhage.  I begged and pleaded with God that day to not take another husband from me.  Since then my Faith has been shattered.  John was someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  But as most of you know that dream was cut short.

Matt Wilcox:

We met on the Facebook dating app in 2022. We connected through wanting someone to talk to because we were lonely.  Found out we had more in common than I think we both realized.  He has five kids and I knew that they were a big part of his life.  I didn't want to come between them and him.  I love that he is so happy when he spends time with any of his kids.  It makes me fall more in love with him everyday. 

I reflected on our relationship and realized that he makes me happy.  He juggles alot with his kids schedules as well as giving us time to spend together.  He always is encouraging to me with whatever challenge comes and we have an open communication when it comes to things that are bothering one another. I love him dearly.

So this post isn't to brag on anyone or make people feel sorry for me.  This post was meant to be an encouragement to anyone who is struggling with losing someone in their life.  I have had two amazing husbands who loved me for me no matter how imperfect I am.  I'm also lucky to have met this incredible man who makes me feel loved, beautiful and worthy of love from him.  

I know I've shared some of my story before but today I've been sitting and thinking about everything I've been through.  I'm asked how did I go through it twice and my response is simple...I just did.  I didn't have a choice.  

It made me so much stronger going through all these trials.  

Please be strong with whatever life throws your way and know I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to.  

Love you all and thank you for letting me share my experiences with you.

2022 and covid positive

  I don't know who reads this.  I don't know who who needs this.

2022 started out with loneliness and happiness.   I ended up getting covid but was more like a cold.   I am slowly recovering. 

I wish I had John with me.   I miss him terribly.   

Im ready to move on.   How do i talk to Noah about moving on with him.  

I'm falling in love with him.   I know i shouldn't but i am.   

Things with Noah didn't work out and I'm kind of grateful because he showed me his true colors and showed me the type of person who was and now we don't talk at all.

I met an amazing man in May.  He is amazing and so patient with me.  Can't wait to see what life has in store for us.  

Love,

Shelley

Life as I know it ...

 Where to start.......

My life since May 2nd 2022 has changed for the better. I met this man who is wonderful. Who treats me better than I've been treated in a long time. My life with him is flirtatious, happy, spontaneous, full of laughter, and much much more.

One day I hope to marry this man and spend the rest of my life with him.

My life in March no February of 2020 started out finding out that John and I were expecting we then lost the fetus at 10 weeks. The fetus was only 7 weeks gestation. I went in for a d&c on March 10th 2020. One of the hardest days of my life. Thought I could continue not being a mom and living my life not having any kids. Well I guess that is wrong. I have such an empty feeling in my heart and wondering what needs to fill it and feeling like a complete failure as a woman's because I haven't had any kids. The only time I was able to get pregnant I lost the baby at 10 weeks with no heartbeat.

I lost two husbands. I lost Rick August 12th 2018. I lost John June 18th 2021.  I thought I had married the loves of my life and end up with God taking them both from me.

I right now don't believe in God, don't believe in a church, don't believe in any sort of religion and I struggle to pray and realize God is there. What I don't understand is how can someone who is loving and who cares about his children would put so many struggles and heartaches on one of their kids. God has taken my husbands and my child and has left me alone in this world.  I struggled to trust him I struggle to lean on him and I struggle to love him on a daily basis.

I met Matt on May 2nd 2022 we met at DQ. Where we engaged in conversation about his life his kids, his sexual orientation, and I felt like I could tell him anything and he would be one of my best friends. It is now January 27th 2023 and he and I have been going strong for almost 9 months.

I have never laughed, loved, felt safe and felt like I was worth something to someone. No matter our struggles or fights, we always manage to communicate and talk it out before it escalates to something else. I used to believe that God brought this man into my life but I think it was just fate that we both needed somebody to talk to about what we've lost. We have both found that in each other. I have never loved anyone as much as I love Matt. He is my everything, my companion, my partner, my lover, and my best friend. Hopefully one day I will be honored to call him my husband.

He has five kids. The oldest Joe is 23 and he has turned to a very fine young man. He has twin boys who are 20.  Their names are Josh and Tyler. He has a daughter Ashley who's a senior in high school. She is 18 years old and she has grown up to be a very pretty young lady and she is really good at basketball. His youngest daughter is Hannah she is 14. She is extremely talented in singing and her plays and I'm very proud of her in anything that she accomplishes. When I see him with his children it makes me fall more and more in love with him. On a sad note 6 years ago on February 20th his son Josh committed suicide. It is hard for me to watch him Miss Josh everyday.

Today January 27th 2023 Matt comes home today very distraught and upset because a pregnant woman gets brought into St Joe ER either not breathing or having a heart attack or something very serious they wheeled her for an emergency C-section and the nurse was really worried and the charge nurse was really worried as well.  

I gave him his space to process to deal with his emotions and to calm down from today. I felt very honored and privileged that he would share his emotions with me. 

So August 1st 2022 I moved in with him officially and it has been amazing.

December of 2022 I lost a really good friend of mine named Rick householder. He was the type of person who would give really good hugs when you were being the most. One time I can remember I was at John's visitation greeting family friends saying their condolences. I didn't cry the whole time except for when I saw Rick and Annie I broke down and started crying. To have friends like them who treated like family who care for you even sometimes when your mom and dad don't really care it meant a lot.

My life as I know it is different than I thought it would be. I have the love of my life. I have two amazing dogs Hazel and Jackson. Three cats named Jim and Tim and baby kitty. I have a dog in heaven named Riley who I miss everyday. That dog has my baby, he got me through a lot of the tough times I love him very much.

One thing that did happen my therapist was out for 3 months having her baby and now she has quit for practice and some days I feel like I'm lost without her. I have met a pastor's wife who hasn't judged me for anything that I have told her about my past.

I know no one reads this if you ever do I would appreciate a comment or at least a word of encouragement to keep posting these blogs and to get my feelings out there.

Thank you for listening to my rambling and I will get back on here soon.

Until then let life guide you to where or happiness is into where you meet somebody who treats you like you're the most important person in the world.

All my love,

Shelley Eames Washko Stone

Life as I know it is amazing and I hope I at least can give some encouragement to anyone out there who struggles with their life at the moment.

Stay sweet, live life to the fullest, and always flirt with your significant other.

All my love now and always,

Shelley

New adventure awaits

  Hello

 I'm writing this to let you know of the new adventure that awaits.  You will know that it's been quite a journey with Rick passing and with John passing.  

 I have prayed to God everyday for him to bring me someone who would would love me for me and and no Not judge me for everything everything that has happened in my past.  

 I believe God has answered my prayers and sent me this amazing man who has faults has Love and his heart for his kids and I love seeing That he loves to spend time with them.  

I'm 40 years old and I thought I would live my life with John and Not have to worry about dating again but That's not the case.

 He is an amazing man and I am falling in love with him at each and every day.  I feel like a kid in high school I feel like hes my 1st crush I feel like I just want to continue this life with him and to see where this life leads us and grow old With him.  

 I'm excited to see where this journey goes I really hope and pray that this is real and That hes not going anywhere because I really am starting to love him.

 I pray to God that he doesn't push me away cause I cause I don't know if I can take it.  

Good night worlds

 Love Shelley stone

Depression is real...

  As I sit here alone in my bed my thoughts are going to depression  Missing my husband and really not wanting to be alone anymore. I don't understand why this is my path I don't understand why I've lost 2 husbands in 3 years..

 I wish he was here I wish John was with me I wish I could hold him again. It's not fair when I look at other couples and realize that I don't have what they have.

 I want to be in love again I wand I want to have a husband again But I'm not sure if it's ever gonna happen

 So when they say depression is real it is.  It takes all my effort to get up in the morning to take care of the dogs to take a shower to get-up-and-Get dressed for work.

 I don't get it I don't understand why this is my life and what God has in store for me but I do know that that I want to be baptized into the church that I went to with John and I know know this is the right place for me.

 I want to get baptized because I know that that I need to follow Jesus Christ and I need to follow God's plan and whatever that is I don't know. But I do know that this is the correct step for me and I think john would be proud. 

 I don't know who reads this I don't know who knows this but just know that I'm here if you need to talk and I know Depression is real and I know that the Depression is scary and I know that not wanting to live anymore is true I had the But and I still have those lots but they're far and in between.

 Please understand depression is real and it is something to not mess with

 Love,

 Shelly stone

Im Lonely...

 I am not sure who is out there reading this but when you lose the love of your life,  it becomes a reality that you will be living your life without the man I love.  I miss him everyday and I wish that God would grant me one more day with him to tell him how much he meant to me.

My plan was to spend the rest of my life making this man happy and giving him a life that he really deserved.  

His life with his ex wife was not the happiest so I wanted to make sure that he knew that he had a wife that would walk over coals for him.  I would take a bullet for him.  

I dont understand why God has taken two of the most amazing men in my life to early in my eyes.

My next notes are a letter for John:

To the Love of my Life,
    I am so proud and happy to be your wife.  I have wanted that for ten plus years and knowing how bad my anger hurt you has ripped a hole in my heart.  My intention was never to hurt you and I have always loved you.  I am so sad that you are gone.  We had a life that we were supposed to build together and now you are in heaven with our baby.  I hope that you and Angelica are together and someday I will be with you.  Please save a seat for me next to you and I love you more than life itself.

Please take care of our baby.  I love you.

Love, Your Wife

Shelley

If anyone is out there reading this I hope I help you on your journey through Grief.

I have spent a lot of time with God through out this and he has taught me to trust in Him and if I lift my troubles up to Him and He will give me peace.

I love Him and I trust Him

Love your Heavenly daughter,

Shelley Stone

PS I don't feel this way about God anymore.  I'm done with this God who is loving and caring.  He is selfish and unloving to me in every way.  

Screw you God.  I'm done believing in you.  

You aren't loving at all to me.  You took away my baby and my husbands.  

Leave me alone.  

My Joy after tragedy. Then another tragic event in my life.

  My Joy after tragedy was I married my soulmate John stone. We were happy we were expecting then we tragically lost the baby in March of 2020 he proposed in he proposed in March of 2021l0 we won we were married September 2020.

 June 18th of 2021 John had a stroke. It tragically ended his life and so it did his wife. I yet again had to bury another husband.. My life has been normal since. I cry I miss him I love him and I wish he was here to hold me again. But hes not.

 Now I'm a widow for the 2nd time and I'm not sure how to pull myself together I work I come home I take care of the dogs and I don't feel like doing much I sit up in my bed and watch Netflix.

 I don't understand why God took another man away from me I wish I knew I wish I knew why I'm being put through this .

 My mother in law has been a great help she has gone through this before she has also going through the loss of her son I thought I was strong but I'm not this is the one of the hardest things that I've ever had to go through he was my everything it was my rock he was my soul.

 I can't imagine life without him. But here I stand living this life that we are supposed to live together. I love you John stone and I miss you more than ever.

Love your wife

 Shelley 

This Pandemic

  I know our shocked by a pandemic. But with everything going on there is a positive to everything. It has been almost 2 months plus since John and I got married.  There have been challenges, There have been good times, works keeping us busy here once again trying for baby. Hope all is well with everybody if you're reading this  Leave me a comment let me know how you doing love you all,

 Shelley

My miscarriage

It all started after the Super Bowl. I was feeling very off and I thought I should take a pregnancy test. It came back positive and we were extatic we went in around the 1st of March    For  An ultrasoundFound out that the baby didn't have a heart beat so I went in for a D &c. I was so nervous I felt like my whole world came to an end. It was the worst experience I've ever felt I felt likeI had a block of cement sitting on my chest.My heart was broken. Am I thought the only thing I could do was talk about it. But I had no one to talk to John didn't understand. I felt like there was alone in all of this. Now I'm   Depressed from how sad I feel that I don't have my baby with me. We just past its due date and it was the hardest day of my life. I felt like I had no reason for living. On a side note I am not going to take my own life it just felt like that .

 If anyone has ever had a miscarriage knows what I am going through there's no one to talk to, thirst no 1 who understands,  And when you tried to talk to your husband About the miscarriage he doesn't understand what is going on in your mind. He wants to help but doesn't understand how or doesn't know how. 

I wish I had someone to talk to you like a counsellor or someone who knows so I blog

 I know how many people read this blog but it's my outlet  To write down what isgoing on in my brain and to help me to Process.

 Thank you to all who are reading wherever you are feel free to leave me a comment love you all talk to  You soon.

Love,

 Shelley Stone

After the year mark... journey in a new direction

I struggle alot with my emotions about the loss of Rick.  I struggle with friendships and family I have lost due to the decisions I have made.  So I am changing the path and I am hoping that it will be better for me in the long run.

5-26-2020
I have been through quite alot since I last posted.  Infell in love with an amazing man and became pregnant.  Lost my baby at 7 weeks.  Had to have a DNC. One of my dearest friends was diagnosed with brain cancer and I'm getting married on 9.4.2020

Love u all
Shelley

Almost to the year mark...

I have tried to be as open as I feel like, but coming up on the year mark of his death has hit me like a ton of bricks.   So many changes this year.  I promised myself after he died that I would stay in touch with everyone and my grief got the better of me and now I have pushed people away that I love very much and hoping someday I can mend my relationship with them.

I started a new job in may and at the end of June i was let go for the most ridiculous reason.   But whatever. 

Just returned home from Vegas where I had a lot of fun.
The year anniversary is in 5 days.   I'm so depressed.   Im so sad. 

Still I'm not sure how I made it through but with the help of my boyfriend and my family has made this year bearable.
I'm taking a break from blogging.   I hope this helps


Love u all

Shelley W

Finding love after a great Loss....

I am sitting here contemplating finding love after the loss of Rick.  I dont know what else I can say.  I have found someone who loves me for me.  I am grateful for the man that I have found.  He makes me feel like I am worth Love once again.

I know not all will agree about this but I am truly happy and I wish I could let everyone know why I deserve to be happy again.

I found a man who is patient, kind, loving, and very handsome.  I find myself very lucky to have had a second chance in not only love but in the man I fell in love with over 15 years ago. 

I have been lucky to fall in love with 2 very special men.
Rick was the love of my life and I thought I would spend my life with him making him happy and falling more in love with him each and every day.  The day he died, I died inside.  I thought I lost half of me and find that half has been very difficult.

John is the new love of my life and I cannot wait to see what life has in store for me and him.  I will work at it everyday to make him feel like he is the most important thing to me in this whole world.  We deserve to be happy with each other.

John and I are headed to Las Vegas in a couple of months and I have had people ask if we are getting married while we are out there.  Him and I have discussed this and are asking people to respect us.  If we choose to marry one day it will be in our time and we will let others know.

Thank you so very much very all of your prayers for me during these last 9 months.

Him and i are wanting to start a family and I am not sure how I feel right now because Rick and I wanted kids and couldnt have them.  If you read this I am so sorry if I offend anyone. 

Love you all so much,

Thank you,

Shelley